Little Red Riding Hat
by Pinkey the Brain
Summary: This is a funny retelling of the classic fairy tale. Please read and review.


**Little Red Riding Hat**

**Sam, Brittney, Tydis, and Cody**

Once upon a time, in the North Pole there was a little elf named Little Red Riding Hat. Everyone pretended to lover her because her grandparents were the famous Mr. and Mrs. Clause. This was a very difficult task, because she was the most annoying little butt hole to walk on the face of this planet.

One day, Little Red's mom woke her up and told her that her grandma, Mrs. Clasue, was very ill.

"Why the heck should I care?" Little Red asked snottily.

"Little Red, your grandma gives you presents," her mom replied.

Little Red Riding Hat loved presents and she got around two hundred every Christmas from her _favorite_ grammy. For the sake of presents, she decided to suck it up.

Little Red put all of her little elf clothes on, starting with her pointed-toe boots, and ending with her pointy red elf-hat. She grabbed the cookies and a carton of milk and was on her way. There was a shortcute through the woods that led straight to her grandma's house.

Her mom called out after her, "Stay on the path, and don't talk to strangers, Little Red!"

"Geez, Mom. Don't get your panties in a bunch!" She rolled her eyes at her mother's over protectiveness and went on her merry little way.

Now, Little Red Riding Hat had a very short attention span and got distracted by the snow. She walked off the path to a big hill and started to roll down it. Then she made snow angels. She was having so much fun that she didn't even realize when a polar bear came up behind her.

"GRRRRRRR!" The polar bear opened his mouth to eat the little elf, but she turned around and whacked him in the head.

"Ewwww! Get away, you ugly polar bear. I'm on a mission," she said.

"Mission? What kind of mission?" The polar bear was hoping that the "mission" involved other people, for he was very hungry.

"My grammy is very sick, and I'm bringing these cookies to her. This is the path that leads to her house," she replied. "I thought everybody knew that."

The polar bear left Little Red. He snuck off the path and ran to her grandma's house. He knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" a feeble voice asked.

The polar bear answered in a high-pitched voice. "It's your granddaughter, Little Red. I brought you some milk and cookies."

"Thank you, dearie. Just come on in."

The polar bear opened the door. To his surprise he saw Mrs. Clause lying on the bed. She tried to run away, but it was too late. The polar bear had gobbled her up before she could even move an inch. Normally, he wouldn't eat someone as nice as Mrs. Clause, but he was so angry that he was past the point of caring.

His stomach rumbled reminding him that Little Red was coming back. He hurried into Mrs. Clause's red fur suit and put her gray wig on. He lay down on the bed, ready for the annoying elf to come.

Pretty soon, he heard a knock on the door. "Grandma, let me in. It's cold outside and Mom made me bring you cookies."

"Come on in, Little Red. The door is open."

Little Red Riding Hat came in and threw the cookies down on the table. She walked up to the bed, ready to suck up for all she was worth. She wanted more presents than ever this year.

"Grandma, why is your face all hairy? You look like Grandpa."

"It helps me stay warm," the polar bear replied.

Little Red scooted closer. "Grandma, what big ears you have!"

"The better to hear you with."

Little Red was confused. She knew her grandma was ugly, but she looked even worse today. She figured it was the cold, and peered even closer.

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The polar bear laughed. "The better to eat you with, Little Red." He gobbled her up as she screamed for help.

While this was happening, Santa Clause was working in his workshop. When he heard Little Red screaming, he figured that she was just throwing one of her usual temper tantrums, but decided to check anyways.

He walked in his house and was shocked to find a very large polar bear sleeping on the floor. Strange noises were coming from the beast of the belly. Santa leaned closer to find that they were cries for help.

"Oh, no! The polar bear has eaten my wife and granddaughter!" he yelled.

Santa took his candy cane and stabbed the polar bear in the stomach. Out popped Little Red, then Mrs. Clause. They were very happy to be free, even if they were covered in slime. The three of them worked together to fill the polar bear's stomach with the coal given to the bad children. When the polar bear woke up he couldn't move an inch. He let out a ferocious growl and died.

Santa skinned the bear and made a new toy-carrying bag. Little Red became a nice girl that everyone _actually_ loved. They all lived happily ever after.

**AN: Great story, right? We had to rewrite a fairytale in english and this is how ours turned out. Our first one was better, but it was deemed innapropriate for school. It was about the ghetto, drugs, and pimps. It was great, let me tell ya. My friends group's was hilarious. It was Cinderella with...BUM BUM BUM Chuck Norris as the fairy godfather. It was peachy! Please review, tell me what you thought of it!**

**Pinkey the Brain**


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